he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
