i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
