I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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