I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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