Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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