my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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