arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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