is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
