She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
