Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
