Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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