I'm eating all of the evidence.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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