So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
