I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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