What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
