So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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