There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
