let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
