why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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