Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So apparently I’m into choking now
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