thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
