I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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