South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
