I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
