How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
