just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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