I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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