Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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