Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have post one night stand depression
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
