I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
