i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
