just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
