I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Small penises have feelings too.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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