If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
