So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
