It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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