Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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