i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
