dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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