dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he fucked my hip out of place.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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