the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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