I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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