I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
