The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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