Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
