so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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