We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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