3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
