remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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