with your own penis?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
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Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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