I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
