Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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