Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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