Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
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I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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