The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
