What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
