Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
