I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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