i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
