just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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