Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
