I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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