when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
they need to just BURY HIM!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
