I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is Oprah even human
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
