Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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