I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
