Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
