i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
