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Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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