So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
