I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
