Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
