the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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