Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
