You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
